hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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