I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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