I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
