Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
