i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
