Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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