so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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