Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
