I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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