new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Everything about him screamed your future.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
