woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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