I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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