1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
