my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
