She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
