I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
