I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
