Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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