The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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