Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
