I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
