I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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