Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
