she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
