I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last night I used snow as a chaser
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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