he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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