and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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