did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
