just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i now understand why vodka
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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