I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
