I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
