well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
