You're so nebulous sometimes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize