I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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