I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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