I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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