She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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