we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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