she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
