Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
