4 words: hood of his car
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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