yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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