i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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