Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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