Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
