Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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