I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
