when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
