home. puking in laundry basket.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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