now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
