My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
