How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
