Your mouth is God's brothel.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
