Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
