She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
