During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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