i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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