I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
