its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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