That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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