my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
