"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
