Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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