Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
