im about as happy as oj after his trial
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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