so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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