Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
