I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
