remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
