i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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