she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize