Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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