Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
