So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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