Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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