If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
