Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
