That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize